Give boys dolls as toys
Margaret Mead, in her famous study of three cultures in Papua New Guinea, found very different gender roles in all three cultures.
Among the Arapesh, both women and men were expected to be gentle, nurturing, cooperative and subservient to each other. Among the Mundagamore, both men and women were hostile, suspicious and extremely aggressive. In the third group, Tchambuli men were considered emotional, gentle and nurturing, but women were considered logical, strong and aggressive. [Mead, M. (1935) Sex and temperament in three primitive societies. New York: Morrow.]
All of this is simply to state that it is culture that defines ways in which men and women are expected to behave and it all may well start from the toys that you give your child to play with. For example, girls who are diagnosed with the pink princess syndrome are so inflicted by way of parental choice, not by some genetically determined outcome. However, a variation in the manifestation of this syndrome has shown that a princess is a very important person who has dominion over an entire kingdom and is responsible for the care and comfort of her people.
Back to the boys. They have two distinct sex chromosomes (XY) which determine femaleness and maleness respectively. I see much wisdom in this creation because if it is that men were in fact meant to be the head of the home, then they cannot be expected to be able to lead what they do not truly understand! By their very design, they are equipped to understand the female and respond to her accordingly. My suggestion therefore is to nurture with nature in mind and allow our boys to play with dolls! Wait, wait, allow me to continue please…
What I consider a phenomenon is the way in which a male carrying around a doll may be frowned upon in his early years, yet women find it very attractive when he is an adult and is taking his baby for a walk in its stroller! So what was once an effeminate act later symbolises manliness, dutifulness and is even considered to be sexy. So, who really makes the rules here?
Here’s a list of things that dolls (NOT BARBIES – since they do not reflect reality) can do to harness the strength of the male:
It is a way for them to work through and learn to understand and accept what is going on in their lives.
It assists in recreating the things they see in their daily lives.
It helps to develop language and social skills.
It encourages the progress of essential life-skills.
The child learns to be nurturing and affectionate.
It opens the door to creativity and imagination.
The child learns how to resolve social conflicts and interpersonal skills.
The best way for a boy to understand the gentleness of being a good parent is through mimicking and practice just as the girls are taught from a very tender age. The fear that a boy may develop a female orientation because of playing with dolls has no substantial data up to today. In fact, if society demands for the new man to put into practice nurturing and caring, this is exactly what needs to be done.
Of course, even if you are unprejudiced about your son’s choice of toys, it is likely that your friends, family members, and even complete strangers probably won’t be. Respectfully, acknowledge their comments or neutralise them with humour, but also remind yourself to place confidence in and value your own opinion. Or, you can remind them of the many headlines that reflect that it is not by accident that a son may run after his parent or sibling or peer with his gun then . . . bang . . . bang . . . bang “I go shoot yuh! I go shoot yuh!”